“ On the night of September 12, 2009, at 9:30 p.m., the lights in the dorm turned off. It was the night before the new students started school. When my mom was leaving, I saw her back walking away, but it looked blurry, like a picture that isn’t focused. I still remember how I felt then... Many years later, my mom told me that my dad cried that night. I couldn’t believe that my strict and strong dad actually cried.”
“ I got shingles on my left waist. Every time I did a tendu, rubbed my skin, or put on tights, it hurt a lot and I couldn’t stand the pain. But I didn’t dare tell my parents because I was afraid they’d worry. I also knew that even if I told them, it wouldn’t help much because they were busy with work. Luckily, the school nurse took me to the hospital, gave me medicine, and after a few days, I got better. But the shingles left a scar on my body forever. Later, the teacher told my mom, and she rushed to Shanghai. That was the first time I saw a strand of white hair on Mom’s head.”
“ On the first weekend of school, all the parents came. But my parents didn’t come. I knew they were busy with work. That night, I was the only one in the dorm. It was very dark and I was really scared. I missed my home so much.“
“ When I first arrived in Austria, I really wanted to eat Chinese food. But for some reason, I felt kinda embarrassed to bring my own Chinese food to the ballet troupe. So, I started trying to be more like the European dancers and eat bread every day.“
“ At that time, a few of us classmates who wanted to lose weight often went for runs together. We had classes at 8 o’clock, so we would wake up at 6:30, run on the playground for 45 minutes, then warm up in the classroom. After class at 11:30 a.m., we would go back to the playground and run another 45 minutes before lunch. In the evening, during self-study time, we still ran on the playground for one hour, then went back to the rehearsal room to practice kicks and review classroom moves.”
"Every time I go to Shanghai, Mom and Dad take me to the airport. When I walk to the security check, I never look back. My eyes are full of tears. If I turn around, they will see me cry. Then they will cry too. So I just look forward and walk fast.
It feels so hard. In Shanghai, I have to do everything by myself again. I really want to tell Mom and Dad, “I need you. I’m scared.” But I can’t. If I say that, they will worry more. So I pretend to be strong. I smile and act like everything is fine.
But inside, I really don’t want to leave."
“ When I was in grade 3, we often repeated a single releve for eight counts of eight beats.
For a solo dance variation, we had to perform it three times before the teacher would check our movements.
Holding the leg control for three minutes was necessary before we could relax.
We practiced five pirouettes until the classroom lights turned off, just to make sure each landing was perfectly accurate with five turns.“
“ When I first came to the UK during the pandemic, there was a time difference. My friends in China were all asleep. Because of COVID, I didn’t dare go outside. Some foreign friends asked me to hang out, but I said no every time.
In winter, it got dark at 4 p.m. It felt like the darkest time. I couldn’t reach anyone in the world. I felt so alone. I was also too scared to go outside. It was cold, quiet, and I didn’t know what to do. It felt like the whole world was sleeping, and I was the only one awake in the dark.“
actress: Hang Yu
actor: Blake Smith
photo by dancersdiary
“ My breakfast was one egg and half an ear of corn. For lunch, I had an apple and two slices of beef. Dinner was an apple.“
“ There was a time I didn’t want to dance anymore because I realized my limits. It felt like I lacked the talent, and no amount of effort could fix that. So for a while, I did things that had nothing to do with ballet, just to feel a bit easier. Later, I realized it was just avoiding the problem. I also understood that facing difficulties is the only way to really solve them.“
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